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Steel cables stretch across the desert ..relief dips in the eighties. There are visions of Carrot Top dancing in my head...dancing and dancing... I think I can hear it now, the distant buzz of those neon lights you talked so much about. Good man for long term relationship! I think I'm losing my f*** mind. Put on a brave face kid. "Sleep is for the weak" he said, with his tormented eyes fixed on mine. God, those eyes... Who's weak now? I never thought I'd live to see the day. You were supposed to be invincible. You promised you'd be okay. What the f*** do I do now? please, I need to know... I miss that smoke filled car, and the comfort in your words. I remember how your delicate tracks felt, and oh how my chest would ache. I would choke back the tears, as I knew it was too late... I miss the way my touch would diminish your ego, the one you held so . I miss the lust, and the of our skin. I miss feeling so f*** small. So fragile in your arms... The arms that I thought would be there, waiting to hold me . I miss feeling so vulnerable. I miss you being the smoke, No... I miss you being MY smoke. I remember watching as you to the ceiling, I remember the fleeting but inevitable feeling before you slipped Sex Machine through the ...the emptiness in my heart, I could have pulled you back. I can't stop wondering what would have happened, what could have happened... Though it's of no importance now. I would give anything. F*** anything. I don't know why I didn't stay the whole night through, I don't think I'll ever be able to accept it. I should have held you closer, kissed you more... I should have let you in. I know that now... I would have hopped on that train, you know it's true. No destination, all I needed was you. But you said you would be okay. You f*** said you would be okay. What I wouldn't give to hear you whisper, even just one last time "I love the person I become when I'm with you" All I wanted was for it to be real. It's too late to tell you that it was, to tell you that I'm here. I'm lost without you. Please know... I love you, God, I do So here it is, my love. The first, The last the only poem I'll ever write for you.
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